Following the news that Mary Berry will leave Bake Off after this season, co-host Paul Hollywood has insisted that he will fight for custody of the show’s notorious flashing squirrel mascot and its furry little penis
Hollywood, who has co-presented Bake Off with Mary Berry since the show’s inception in 2010 and will remain as judge after its controversial move to Channel 4, is said to be shocked and saddened by Berry’s professional integrity.
But he is determined to keep the show alive, sources say, and considers it imperative that he retains full access to the famous squirrel and its trademark genitals.
“At the end of the day,” said Hollywood, “Bake Off is bigger than Mel and Sue, and it’s bigger than Mary too. It might even be bigger than baking. But what it’s not bigger than is that squirrel’s cock and balls.”
Earlier this year there was an outcry after Bake Off bosses replaced the well-endowed squirrel with a pheasant – a misstep which many speculate led in part to the fatal rift between the BBC and production company Love West.
The genitals of a pheasant are located on its underside and obscured by feathers.
Master Heywood 